Feeling utterly compelled to write today about the atrocities that go on in our family court system but more compelling than this is the silence of the bystander. Since being a ‘victim’ of this outdated, archaic and barbaric process I have seen, spoken to and stood by many going through this process many of whom are being supported by www.iwmm.net However over and over again I see people turn the other cheek, they don’t want to get involved, believe it is not happening or don’t want to make a stand or even support….until of course it happens to them!
This is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Your whole life is prodded into and scrutinised and then you have to deal with lies by the applicant party who is there to win at what ever cost. This is what you are up against when dealing with a sociopath. Someone with no conscience. No loving or good parent should be separated from their child and certainly not through the use of perjury to a court for no good reason this is abuse in itself. In cases where this happens then I’m ‘afraid’ to say (no.. I really am afraid – you are literally not allowed a voice) the courts are assisting in the abuse! Many families have suffered immensely because of this process. I have consistently posted about this FACT that abusers use lies, fabricated stories to get their own way in court however no-one can highlight this as you are not allowed to talk about family court in the media….why?
Without transparency there is no scrutiny.
If you have something to hide then this is why you would need cases in secret. Why are they hiding? Has anyone asked this question?
This could and would not happen in a criminal court as they are evidence led however in the secret family courts this is accepted. Perjury is overlooked. As a law abiding citizen who was subjected to this hideousness I know only too well that this can happen. My whole life was turned upside down and I was guilty (without crime which is actually a breach of my Human Right to a fair trial under Article 8) until proven innocent and even then you are still never truly clear. You feel tainted and disgusted that someone (with a criminal record themselves) can actually submit an application to a court and not one scrap of that statement was substantiated, a statement of utter lies and in addition to this the applicant is also not screened for criminal records ahead of making an application therefore you could be a serial killer, child abuser etc and apply to family court for a residency (Now Child Arrangement order) of a child without anyone checking your background…..WHAT!? Are you being serious???!
Does this happen?….Yes it does and it goes further, often with the abuser GRANTED residency putting the child/ren at risk. Yet isn’t the courts remit to put the welfare of the child first?
In my case I had also not had any contact directly with the applicant for many years so the fact that he was submitting information giving the impression he knew about my life was utterly preposterous.
He is a stranger to me and will continue to be.
Luckily (if you could call it that) for me I have a very strong network of friends and family around me so I began rallying up support and getting everyone I know, friends, family, colleagues all of whom know me and my children well, to write into the court to express their utter disgust at what was happening. For those who don’t know my story. In a nutshell I was almost murdered, the psychopath who did this went straight to prison (clearly) and there were no safeguarding issues with myself or my children I am a very good mother and he was incarcerated immediately. Yet as a victim of violence there is a huge amount of victim blaming. Somehow this was looked upon as my fault…yes my fault. I had clearly invited this violence into my life…what NONSENSE!
To prove the utterly unbelievable process of family court I was even summoned to court when still recovering from my 15 separate injuries; broken arm, cracked cheek bone, bleed on the brain, stab injuries to name ‘some’…I discharged myself thinking I would see my daughter, as I missed her terribly due to her being kept from me…only to find myself being victimised all over again by the Judge who did not do her job properly. She didn’t even allow me to speak. I’m disgusted I was treated like a second class citizen. She is responsible for her part in my story. Her actions catapulted a catastrophe.
Anyhow, my point is not to go over my story but to highlight AGAIN this continues to happen daily to good parents both mothers and fathers struggling to get access to their children because one parent wants control over the other. No loving NORMAL parent chooses to be in a court room to sort out the lives of a little human. With normal human beings we are able to communicate as adults and make arrangements without spite and bitterness. We move on and continue our lives. This is how it works with my sons father. Normal communication; something the sociopath is incapable of. To them its about winning. Only about winning. The child is irrelevant. They may often present well and begin a smear campaign against the ‘victim’ to create the false impression of them being a bad parent. Again to win. Its inhumane that no-one picks this up. It is all to easy just to kick the weakest person.
I came across this article recently and found it very interesting indeed, as a lot of what is said in it does happen A LOT.
Abused parents are somehow blamed for the abuse and no-one ever questions why the abuser abused!
So heres the thing….if they stay in the relationship they are deemed as putting their children at risk so everyone bangs on saying “why didn’t she/he just leave” however if they do manage to break away safely and try to continue their lives abuse free. The authorities force contact with an abuser via the children putting the ‘victim’ back in harms way, giving power AGAIN to the abuser as they feel they have ‘won’ and then the games start again but this time it is more insidious because children are being used as pawns.
How on earth can no-one else see how preposterously STUPID this is?
Should an abusive parent have access to a child? How is that positive for the child? Please tell me…I’d love to hear the counter argument. No sane person would put a child in the care of an abuser….EVER!
I really don’t have all the answers (although I have a damn good idea if given the chance how to overhaul the whole system!) one thing I am sure of is I am pretty damn sure that nothing, will get better if we continue in this manner in fact lives are being ruined and generations lost due to the injustices served by our family judiciary.
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I have zero shame for what happened to me and I accept no victim blaming. The focus for me is on the perpetrator’s. They should hang their head’s in shame for their decisions.
Shame on you.